Once upon a time, not very long ago, there was a damsel in distress. The day had been fine and the evening out enjoyable but the tricky Emotion Fairy sisters were about that night. As I said, the damsel had enjoyed the evening but some of the events were overwhelming and she had left a gathering feeling a bit misunderstood.
Seizing the opportunity they saw, the Emotion Fairies sprinkled their Mayhem Dust all over the poor girl. This Mayhem Dust was known throughout the land for taking small problems and making them seem so big that mayhem soon took over. Sure enough, the poor girl was soon crying and not just any crying mind you, the crying that almost made her sick. But, as luck would have it, her hero, William of White, was by her side.
While heros can rarely stop the Emotion Fairies before they sprinkle Mayhem Dust, they are often quite successful at putting all to right. The secret is their Heart of Gold. The hero knew exactly what to do. He had to combine his Heart of Gold power with the power of Soothing Sleep. After wrapping the damsel in a strong hug he led her to a chair and gently took off her shoes. Before she knew it she was in her pajamas and ushered into the bathroom to complete her nightly rituals. As soon as she was down she found herself in her hero's arms being carried to bed. He had already turned down the sheets and set a glass of water by the bed to help calm her down. After tucking her securing into bed the hero went into their tiny little kitchen and made her a perfect cup of tea. He arranged it all prettily on a saucer and served it to the damsel. The hero told her how proud he was of her and that it was all going to be okay. He reminded her that she was his princess. His Heart of Gold completely overwhelmed all the Mayhem Dust and made it completely disappear. And that is the story of the damsel in distress.
~Told by the damsel who married her hero
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Commissary Class
I had plenty of time to contemplate while in the commissary today (that means there was a long line). Here is what I would teach new Army brides about the commissary.
1. Double check to make sure you have your ID card before leaving the house. (This applies to pretty much anything).
2. Upon arriving at the commissary, find a convenient parking spot (Some of us have such a thing as "my spot." Yes, I have a spot. Please don't take it otherwise I get a bit grumpy. It's about three or four spaces from the very end of the first aisle on the left side. Now you know.)
3. Assess what you need to buy today. You have the choice of a normal shopping cart, mini shopping cart or a handheld basket. Choose the smallest that will fit your needs. It can make a drastic difference in how much you enjoy your trip.
4. Be polite. Traffic in a commissary can be crazier than driving downtown at rush hour. Wait your turn. Smile. Apologize if you get in someone's way (this is why you choose the smallest basket possible).
5. Try to know exactly what you want. This is not like Walmart. Space to linger and browse is only an option at specific low peaks. If you get caught in a rush hour your mentality will become "get in, get out, go home."
6. Weekends will be busy. You may vehemently promise that you will never return because it might be so stressful.
7. Do not go on pay day and under no circumstances save a drastic code red emergency should you ever go on a payday weekend. (We are pretty sure this is exactly what we did during our first trip. Yes, I was in tears on the way home).
8. If you are missing being around your grandparents, go on a Monday morning. This is when all the "grandparents" seem to shop.
9. If you shop on a "grandparents" day, be aware that if you browse overly long at the meat department trying to figure out what cut of meat you might want to buy you may be approached by a kind, older gentleman asking if you are ok and if you are doing alright. (I thought that I would take advantage of the "down time" in the store to actually investigate meats and prices.....I must have looked lost.) Smile, reply that you are doing well and ask about his day then go to the next item on your list.
10. While you may smile up and down the aisles as you see sweet old people, your smile will probably falter when you see that the checkout line is past the registers and all the way into the frozen dairy department. Continue shopping a few minutes....when you get in line you will no longer be at the frozen yougurt pops but will instead be by the cheap ice cream.
11. Do not expect to have a smooth first encounter with the self-check out stations. They are just different. It takes a couple of times before you figure out there quirks. It will get better. I promise. You will get used to them verbally telling you EXACTLY how much EVERY item costs and you will learn that you do not put your fruit on the scanner until you have selected it from the menu.
12. If you do not use self check out make sure that you have some cash on hand. The baggers work for tips only. They bag your groceries, drive your cart out to your car, help you unload your groceries and then take the cart back in.
13. Don't give up. You will eventually learn. Someday you will figure out what to buy at the commissary and what to buy at Walmart. You will figure out your "magic commissary day" when the odds are the best to shop in peace. And even if there is traffic you will be so set in your ritual that you will be brave as you battle the lines.
P.S. 14. Be on the lookout for coupons. There are often special commissary only coupons around the store.
1. Double check to make sure you have your ID card before leaving the house. (This applies to pretty much anything).
2. Upon arriving at the commissary, find a convenient parking spot (Some of us have such a thing as "my spot." Yes, I have a spot. Please don't take it otherwise I get a bit grumpy. It's about three or four spaces from the very end of the first aisle on the left side. Now you know.)
3. Assess what you need to buy today. You have the choice of a normal shopping cart, mini shopping cart or a handheld basket. Choose the smallest that will fit your needs. It can make a drastic difference in how much you enjoy your trip.
4. Be polite. Traffic in a commissary can be crazier than driving downtown at rush hour. Wait your turn. Smile. Apologize if you get in someone's way (this is why you choose the smallest basket possible).
5. Try to know exactly what you want. This is not like Walmart. Space to linger and browse is only an option at specific low peaks. If you get caught in a rush hour your mentality will become "get in, get out, go home."
6. Weekends will be busy. You may vehemently promise that you will never return because it might be so stressful.
7. Do not go on pay day and under no circumstances save a drastic code red emergency should you ever go on a payday weekend. (We are pretty sure this is exactly what we did during our first trip. Yes, I was in tears on the way home).
8. If you are missing being around your grandparents, go on a Monday morning. This is when all the "grandparents" seem to shop.
9. If you shop on a "grandparents" day, be aware that if you browse overly long at the meat department trying to figure out what cut of meat you might want to buy you may be approached by a kind, older gentleman asking if you are ok and if you are doing alright. (I thought that I would take advantage of the "down time" in the store to actually investigate meats and prices.....I must have looked lost.) Smile, reply that you are doing well and ask about his day then go to the next item on your list.
10. While you may smile up and down the aisles as you see sweet old people, your smile will probably falter when you see that the checkout line is past the registers and all the way into the frozen dairy department. Continue shopping a few minutes....when you get in line you will no longer be at the frozen yougurt pops but will instead be by the cheap ice cream.
11. Do not expect to have a smooth first encounter with the self-check out stations. They are just different. It takes a couple of times before you figure out there quirks. It will get better. I promise. You will get used to them verbally telling you EXACTLY how much EVERY item costs and you will learn that you do not put your fruit on the scanner until you have selected it from the menu.
12. If you do not use self check out make sure that you have some cash on hand. The baggers work for tips only. They bag your groceries, drive your cart out to your car, help you unload your groceries and then take the cart back in.
13. Don't give up. You will eventually learn. Someday you will figure out what to buy at the commissary and what to buy at Walmart. You will figure out your "magic commissary day" when the odds are the best to shop in peace. And even if there is traffic you will be so set in your ritual that you will be brave as you battle the lines.
P.S. 14. Be on the lookout for coupons. There are often special commissary only coupons around the store.
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