Confession of a Young Bride

Warning: This is a very honest blog post. Blunt emotions are expressed. Reader discretion is advised.

My first confession is that I am not following my Reformation of Sleep Doctrine. It is past 10 pm and while I feel another sleep headache starting, I can't go to sleep. Anyone who loves to write can tell you there are times when you have to write "right then" no matter the time.

My second confession is that I am okay but feeling a plethora of emotions right now. The last week or so has been crazy emotionally. Why I really don't know (it honestly doesn't make much of a difference why you are crying...the emotionsare). Sometimes the emotions are funny....like when I ended up sitting on my kitchen floor crying, trying to eat my dinner and crying harder when my husband joked that I might be pregnant (no, this is highly unlikely). Sometimes the emotions aren't so funny....like when I got really upset at Wil for no good reason and I knew I had no good reason but I was still struggling with feeling upset. (Have I mentioned that I really do love my husband and I am really thankful for his forgiving attitude?)

It is said that when a marriage happens, its not just about two people its about six...plus. When I married Wil in a sense I married his family. One of the encouraging parts of this aspect of marriage is that I have additional grandparents. While I can honestly say that I have wonderful memories and experiences with each and every one of my grandparents, Facebook has allowed one of my grandmothers to really reach out to me right now. Today she read my status about being emotional and her reply complately resounded with where I am right now.

"It's ok to be emotional, you've done a lot in the last few months, lets see a marriage, leaving home, taking on the life in the military and they infringe on your time with your husband. It's a lot to get use to, and maybe your're a little ...homesick too?......"

Right now I am emotional. I did get married (blending lives isn't always easy even when its totally worth it). In three months I have moved twice. I became an Army wife which is a totally amazing experience that involves some heavy transition at times. And yes, sometimes the Army dynamic does make life crazy.

I do miss my husband while he is gone these few days. I miss hugs in the morning and when he comes home. I miss laughing with him and being completely ridiculous sometimes. I even miss the clutter that seems to follow him sometimes.

And yes, as was suggested, I am homesick. Being a part of a big family drove me crazy sometimes (sometimes more like alot) and I will be the first to say that I know I can drive my sister and brothers crazy. But at the end of the day I miss them. I miss talking with my mom and hearing "hi sweetheart" from my dad. I miss my sister...she makes late nights more interesting (so, so, so many long stories), loves Jesus and is gorgeous. And then there are my brothers. Hugs, my "guard dogs", pure craziness, late night talks, seeing them become men, bed time stories, crayon pictures, irritatingly humorous sharp wit, more hugs.....those are just some of the things I miss about them. I miss being a crazy person with a large group. I called home the other day and in the background I here this massive noisy group of people quoting lines and being so funny that I can't help but laugh.

I'm not brave. I don't have it all together. I'm often insecure. I fail regularly. I have all the theoretical knowledge on transitions but it doesn't mean I always act on it. In many ways I don't even quite know "who I am" right now.

But....I am ok. I really do enjoy my husband, my life, the people we are meeting and the fantastic church we are attending. I am being challenged and pushed out of my comfort zone. Writing this post has been cathartic in many ways.

It's late but right now I need some time in the Word. G'night everyone.

It Must Be Destined.....

....to be a happy day. At least that is the only conclusion I can come to when the birds start chirping merrily at 1:04 am. Yes, that early.......yes, it was the incessant chirping......and yes, for those of you who were wondering, I was in bed much earlier than that (feeling appropriately tired  as I climbed into bed at 9:21 pm). By the way, it was still chirping when the alarm went off at 4:30 am and hasn't yet stopped (its just after 5:45 am as I write this).

So this week is going to be a definite shake-up from the normal week. My husband is leaving me for most of the week to go tromp in the woods and do soldier stuff. Then in a few weeks, he goes for twice that amount of time. Fun fun. Yes, I know, I am an Army wife. Lonely nights are what I signed up for. Yep, I did. No, I wouldn't change my decision. Doesn't mean that a button suddenly got pushed on my wedding day that made me ready or excited for it. (Ever heard of new parents who suddenly relished no sleep for weeks? Didn't think so. Same concept applies.)

Four full days without my man.....what's a girl to do.....among other things....cook. I decided that four days will be the perfect time to work on all those food things that I still cringe at the thought of making because I am afraid I will mess up. Like mashed potatoes. My dad can make wicked smooth mashed potatoes that taste fantastic and its all by hand. Despite my lesson while I was last home for dental work, I am still not confident I can produce the wicked awesomeness. I am also going to go through my recipes and find things my husband doesn't like to eat and cook those things too. A couple of chick flicks may also be in order.

Okay, I can't end the post without saying that it's true about men in uniform...they make your heart melt. (While only one has ever caught my attention, I am still going to say "they" because from what I hear from the other wives, the melting seems to be a common occurrance.) It's like being married to the hero in the movie. If you have not had the pleasure of seeing an already strong man in body armor just trust me.....it's the modern equivalent to knights in shining armor or the heroes of the west. Add that to strong character that takes responsibility and never quits, a kind and gentle heart that is a "safe place" on a bad day, and the fact that he is just handsome.....there is a good deal of melting that goes on in this house. (For those of you wondering, yesterday was just one of those days where I realized how blessed I am and I just couldn't keep it to myself any longer).

Reformation of Sleep Doctrine

On this day, the twenty-third of March in the year two thousand and twelve in the year of our Lord, I, Rachelle Lynette White, formerly known as Night Owl, would like to announce my confession of faith in the Reformation of Sleep Doctrine.

As a true Reformer I hold true to, and encourage others to do the same, the following practices:
     1. After the passing of eight o'clock in the evening  I faithfully begin to dwell on sleep and begin to  
         prepare for my practice thereof.
     2. Should I not be in bed by the passing of nine o'clock in the evening I feel due guilt and exhaustion for
         my lack of perseverance to the doctrine.
     3. Empowered by at least seven hours of sleep, I am able to faithfully be responsible for the alarm clock
         and prompt rising of my husband at half-past four in the morning.
     4. Faithful adherence to said doctrine has produced the fruit of daily habitual obedience and the belief
         that "sleeping in" means being awake at half past seven in the morning. The week's end provides the
         additional grace of being awake but not necessarily immediately rising from one's bed.

I reject the following practices:
     1. Frequent late nights with the occasial exception at week's end
     2. The practice of staying up all night
     3. Excessive deviation from my previously stated rising times

My confession of faith in the Reformation of Sleep Doctrine was no result of my own fallen flesh but rather, of the imposing force, traditions and neccesities associated with the United States Army and my love for one of its soldiers.

I shall hold true to this confession of faith until such time as I am packing, on vacation or enter into a state of motherhood.

Signed: Rachelle Lynette White    

Date: March 23, 2012

God Gave Me You for the Ups and Downs

Up....and down.......and up......and down......and up (come on little car, you can make it!).......and down.......

After several hours in a car closely following my husband all the way from West Virginia to Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri I knew that this had to be the title for our new blog post. I have been in several states and even a few countries but never before have I seen hills quite like those produced by the Ozarks. You quite literally go up just to go down and then up again and back down (repeat for a few hours).

We are in week 6 (out of 18) of Wil's MP BOLC classes at Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri. To put it as simply as possible, these 18 weeks are teaching him how to be a Military Police Officer (and at times making him wonder if he really wants to do this for forever). Often this means long days in the classroom but it also has practical field training as well. As it turns out, field training means even later days. Everyone has ideas as to what makes a really good day, right? One of mine has become my husband getting home before 1900 (7 pm).

Of all the groups Wil could have been placed in, it seems as though he may have gotten the best. His class works together as a team and is led by individuals with high expectations but a desire to empower their students to succeed.

Morelli Heights, a long term stay hotel, is our current home. It is a cross between a hotel room and an efficiency apartment. We have a tiny kitchen (2 stove top burners and a microwave but no oven); one main room that hosts the bed, desk, table and chair, and a small bathroom. We are in a really nice location - the MP school and library are across the street, the commissary (grocery store) is just down the road and we are just over and down from the hospital yet we still manage to live on a relatively quiet part of post.

But as we all know, anywhere Army related is the perfect place to see Murphy's Law in full swing. Today is no except. See, we have this sign in the grass below our window. I should say we DID have a sign. They decided to demolish it....with heavy machinery.....did I mention it is right outside our window? Yeah, forget "relatively quiet" for today.

As many of you might know, my family lived in MO while I was in the 6th grade (mission training). Wil and I have been blessed to be able to reconnect with the church that my family used to attend while living in the area. I haven't run into anyone I know just yet but it was nice to be able to not have to "church hunt." The pastor has been such a blessing. He is passionate without going to "hellfire and brimstone" lengths, he is challenging while still caring for his congregation and while each week is not a "salvation message" I don't think he has ever failed to gracefully and naturally present the Gospel each Sunday. God has definitely provided just the church we need at this time.

That is a basic snapshot of our life right now. I am sure we will be posting about more adventures soon!