Confession of a Young Bride

Warning: This is a very honest blog post. Blunt emotions are expressed. Reader discretion is advised.

My first confession is that I am not following my Reformation of Sleep Doctrine. It is past 10 pm and while I feel another sleep headache starting, I can't go to sleep. Anyone who loves to write can tell you there are times when you have to write "right then" no matter the time.

My second confession is that I am okay but feeling a plethora of emotions right now. The last week or so has been crazy emotionally. Why I really don't know (it honestly doesn't make much of a difference why you are crying...the emotionsare). Sometimes the emotions are funny....like when I ended up sitting on my kitchen floor crying, trying to eat my dinner and crying harder when my husband joked that I might be pregnant (no, this is highly unlikely). Sometimes the emotions aren't so funny....like when I got really upset at Wil for no good reason and I knew I had no good reason but I was still struggling with feeling upset. (Have I mentioned that I really do love my husband and I am really thankful for his forgiving attitude?)

It is said that when a marriage happens, its not just about two people its about six...plus. When I married Wil in a sense I married his family. One of the encouraging parts of this aspect of marriage is that I have additional grandparents. While I can honestly say that I have wonderful memories and experiences with each and every one of my grandparents, Facebook has allowed one of my grandmothers to really reach out to me right now. Today she read my status about being emotional and her reply complately resounded with where I am right now.

"It's ok to be emotional, you've done a lot in the last few months, lets see a marriage, leaving home, taking on the life in the military and they infringe on your time with your husband. It's a lot to get use to, and maybe your're a little ...homesick too?......"

Right now I am emotional. I did get married (blending lives isn't always easy even when its totally worth it). In three months I have moved twice. I became an Army wife which is a totally amazing experience that involves some heavy transition at times. And yes, sometimes the Army dynamic does make life crazy.

I do miss my husband while he is gone these few days. I miss hugs in the morning and when he comes home. I miss laughing with him and being completely ridiculous sometimes. I even miss the clutter that seems to follow him sometimes.

And yes, as was suggested, I am homesick. Being a part of a big family drove me crazy sometimes (sometimes more like alot) and I will be the first to say that I know I can drive my sister and brothers crazy. But at the end of the day I miss them. I miss talking with my mom and hearing "hi sweetheart" from my dad. I miss my sister...she makes late nights more interesting (so, so, so many long stories), loves Jesus and is gorgeous. And then there are my brothers. Hugs, my "guard dogs", pure craziness, late night talks, seeing them become men, bed time stories, crayon pictures, irritatingly humorous sharp wit, more hugs.....those are just some of the things I miss about them. I miss being a crazy person with a large group. I called home the other day and in the background I here this massive noisy group of people quoting lines and being so funny that I can't help but laugh.

I'm not brave. I don't have it all together. I'm often insecure. I fail regularly. I have all the theoretical knowledge on transitions but it doesn't mean I always act on it. In many ways I don't even quite know "who I am" right now.

But....I am ok. I really do enjoy my husband, my life, the people we are meeting and the fantastic church we are attending. I am being challenged and pushed out of my comfort zone. Writing this post has been cathartic in many ways.

It's late but right now I need some time in the Word. G'night everyone.